Quality4Children is integrally based on the experiences, narrations and personal contributions of those involved: from children and youths who live or have lived in out-of-home care, biological families and foster families, social workers, facility co-workers (SOS Children's Villages, FICE, IFCO) and government offices (social ministry, youth welfare, among others).
In 32 countries, more than 320 contributions were compiled and the most important statements from each text were filtered out. The essence of these sometimes entirely different contributions, which give an overall view of a functional model and of shortcomings and problems in out-of-home care, was directly incorporated in the quality standards now at hand.
We herewith present three relatively unchanged examples of original contributions.
"…these children cannot imagine what a family is like"
Name: HA.
Profession: foster mother
Country: Spain
I started because ... my children had already grown up and did not need me so much any more, and my husband moved into early retirement … and we thought, we could use this time for social work. We thought of the Red Cross and we asked them if we could help. They told us the "Nanny-Programme" was starting and asked us if we would like to help ... and we said yes.
We were the first, and the first child we got was a girl, on Christmas, the 23rd of December. Well, when they arrived with a baby, one month old ... it was ... a great joy for us. It was a beautiful Christmas. Then a three month old boy came to us. He was ... sad ... but when you give love ... then it is like a blossoming flower. They open up and are beautiful. In the end, when they go ... they go as beautiful children.
The next child was a boy who lived with us for almost one year. He got his first teeth with us, he learned how to walk and he said his first words. And when he had to leave us it was very, very hard. We still think about him... He had to go to the hospital because of a stomach-intestinal problem and he only recovered very slowly. He was visited by his grandfather and his father, and we had never seen each other before. But when we were in the hospital, his family came and we met, and that was great. I think that is the way it should be: there should be constant contact between the foster parents and the biological family. That was the most positive experience for me. The most wonderful day was when I met the grandparents and could say to them that they could relax, because I was going to be there 24 hours a day with him...
Now we have a girl who is to be given up for adoption and I am not allowed to have contact with the family ... I would love to talk about her with the adoptive family, to tell them things ... I would not bother them. I do not want their address or their telephone number, only for them to call me once in a while whenever they feel like it; they do not need to tell the girl about it as this might confuse her, but just to let me know how she is doing. But at the moment I don't believe this is going to be possible, because the court will not agree to this.
The day we picked up the girl was unforgettable. She did not speak. She had been at the centre for some time, but she had not spoken a word. In the morning she went with us to the city centre, and in the afternoon we went shopping. I had a doll with me ... and she began to speak to the doll. They told us that it could take up to two weeks for her to start speaking. We were so happy we had tears in our eyes.
The only organisation which makes us feel well counselled is Red Cross ... also psychologically. Because when the children are taken away you feel very awful. And they visit and support you. Lola and Elvira, the psychologists from the Red Cross, are the most important people in our lives as foster parents.
One must say that these children have no idea about what a family is. They normally come from broken homes and they do not know how to brush their teeth, how to take a shower, put on their pyjamas ... And one notices what a shock it is for them to see: there are four of us, then they meet our children, my parents, brothers and sisters. They experience family as they never had it...
In all the years as a foster parent I have learned that nothing is more important than children ... having a child at home is a great joy, a great fortune, at least for us. When you have a problem, you only need to wait for the child to come home ... you talk to him and forget your problem, it is not important anymore...
"She cares about us, she never disappoints us"
Name: Ceylan
Country: Malta
Ceylan is a 17 year-old girl who has been living in an SOS Children's Village for the past five years. Her father is an alcoholic. He had a problem with everyone in the family, fought constantly with his wife. Ceylan's mother did her best but he became ever more violent and living together under one roof became unbearable. The mother got divorced and got custody of the children. Ceylan's mother took care of her until she was 12. When she ran into financial problems, she asked her children if they would like to live in an SOS Children's Village. Ceylan and her siblings did not want to, but the mother trusted her children to SOS Children's Villages anyway.
The SOS Children's Village was a much better place than Ceylan had expected. She never thought it would be so nice and that she would want to stay there. Everyone had his/her own private room; everyone could take advantage of various facilities and a scope of activities. Nevertheless, Ceylan felt that she did not fit in.
One day, the entire village was invited to dinner by another organisation. During the meal, someone asked Ceylan and the other children, "Are you orphans? Do you not have parents? Do you not have a home?" The SOS mother immediately broke in and asked the person what the point of such an impolite question should be. She said she was their mother and that they all lived together. This event, and what the SOS mother said in order to defend the children, made Ceylan feel a stronger emotional bonding to SOS Children's Villages.
Afterwards she began to see the village and the SOS mother with different eyes. It increasingly became her new home, and she started to see her SOS mother more and more as a real mother. "We get on well with our SOS mother. I like it when she talks to us if we are not doing so well in school. She cares about us and never disappoints us. She tries to solve problems without hurting us", says Ceylan.
Every day our SOS mother wakes Ceylan and her siblings up, makes them breakfast and prepares their school snack. On weekends everybody joins in to help. Ceylan says that no one is discriminated against and all are treated equally. "There are many activities and facilities which SOS Children's Villages offers us. They try to find out what is best for each of us and encourage us to become active."
Sometimes Ceylan wants something from the village administration, but they do not seem interested. This bothers her, so she complains to her SOS mother, who in turns solves the problem with the village director. Because the SOS mother has so much to do, there is not much time for her to be with the children. Ceylan would like more time with her every day. "But we go out for dinner every second week. Everyone can suggest where to go, and we all decide together," says Ceylan.
She will be moving to the youth facility in June [2006]. She is very frightened about having to move. In order to reduce her worries and take away her fear, the SOS mother and the psychologist are there at her side.
"They can always come see me"
Name: FR. M.
Profession: Director of a Children's Home
Country: Malta
Fr. M., a catholic priest, has been running a children's home for three years. Before that, he was a care giver coordinator for two years. In this way he was able to gather experience about how to deal with the situation in a typical Maltese home for boys. He started by mentioning that the home is not a large facility, as a maximum of 24 boys are taken in. He says that in the past years, some things have changed as regards the way the home is run. Earlier people called it an institution, but in the meantime the term is being avoided, as it has negative connotations.
Until the early 1990s, the boys stayed in sleeping halls where there was no private sphere and everything belonged to everyone (or no one!). Through extensive construction work on the 100 year-old building, three apartments came into being, each for 8 boys. Every apartment has single rooms, a kitchen and playing areas. Fr. M. says that the greatest challenge was turning such an old building into small living units. It is senseless to accommodate young boys in an institution and then to expect that they will cope well when they turn 18.
He emphasised that the relatively low number of home residents makes it possible for good relationships to form between the boys and the team of care givers. While up until the 1990s the children were mainly cared for by Patres, the team make up now looks different: women and men care for the boys like in a normal family.
Directing the home is not only an administrative task for him, says Fr. M. He likes being with the boys, for instance while they learn how to care for house pets. The size of the house sometimes allows for things that would not be possible in smaller homes. He recently allowed a boy to bring home a goat as a pet. Fr. M. is convinced that animals can have a special meaning for traumatised children. They can learn about what it feels like to care for someone else. He says that sometimes, when there seems to be no hope, animals can bring to light something very special in some children...
It is most important for Fr. M. that the boys know that they can always come to him if they have a problem because he lives with them in the same house. For many of them this is a new experience to have someone giving them so much of his time. It is therefore possible for some of the boys to develop trust with someone, maybe for the first time in their lives. He believes the success of facilities such as this home should be measured differently. He does not undervalue the effects that a stay in such a home can have on the lives of the children. He therefore makes especially sure that the boys feel included, at home and loved...