I belong 

"I can't remember exactly when I started to feel comfortable with my foster family. Maybe when I was getting washed. Cleanliness is very important to me. You know… being put to bed at 7.30 p.m., maybe being carried all wrapped up in a towel, getting a bowl of fruit, always eating meals at the same time... everything is structured. Small things such as these are so important."

This is how a girl from Ireland describes her early days with her foster family. The Irish girl's experiences have been incorporated into the Quality4Children project, which aims to develop standards in out-of-home care in Europe. The experiences of biological parents, foster parents, social workers, representatives from different authorities, youth carers, researchers, etc. have also been included.

332 reports from 26 countries were collected and assessed for the quality standards; half of them come from children and young adults who lived or still live in out-of-home care. Out-of-home care is in itself an expression that causes people to be irritated - we associate it with non-family members, separation, the unknown, new ground. In fact, it is the reality of the lives of around two million children and young people in Europe.

It is for this group that SOS Children's Villages, the International Foster Care Organisation (IFCO) and International Federation of Educative Communities (FICE) have joined forces to ensure that out-of-home care is as good, safe and considerate as possible.

They aim to put an end to the lack of out-of-home care by means of a suitable reference framework. Werner Hilweg, one of the responsible project managers from SOS Children's Villages, speaks of a clear "decline in quality right across Europe from east to west and from north to south. But even where care is supposedly the best, there is enough of a need for action".

In the best case scenario, out-of-home care becomes a new home, particularly in those cases when children cannot return to live with their biological families. In the worst case scenario, out-of-home care turns into another trauma. So what does a radically different environment need to become, with time, a place of trust? When will this new place become a home and offer a reliable system for bringing up children? Regina Wintersperger, socio-educational expert at an SOS Children's Village in Austria, says that it will be when "children have experienced what it is like to be loved and when they have a place in the new system".

The deciding factor for children is whether they feel as if they belong somewhere and are accepted. This is precisely what was expressed in most of the reports that children and young people gave to Quality4Children. The standards that exist now are intended to guide and support all those who are involved in out-of-home care. This involves the biological family as much as the parent substitutes, care facilities and authorities involved.

This mainly involves participation, transparency and respect. These elements are the keys to the various doors in the new house, whether that be with adoptive or foster parents, an SOS family, a youth facility or a home. Based on the fact that each child has his or her own needs, own background and individual reality, it is clear that there cannot be one single answer.

We ask for equal rights for all children, but not all children need the same thing, particularly when it comes to serious questions such as: Where am I going to live? Who is going to look after me? What is going to happen to me? There are many different options and models for out-of-home care. According to Nigel Cantwell, child protection consultant for UNICEF, one option is not necessarily better than another... that is assuming that the quality of care is alright.

Quality4Children presents 18 standards, which are arranged into three phases of care. It begins with the decision to put a child into out-of-home care and admit the child to a new form of care.

Origin and arrival

All decisions must be made for the good of the child. Great care must therefore be taken when making the radical decision to take children out of their biological families. The best possible solution for the children must be found, and the children and their biological families must be involved in all steps of the process. Children should as far as possible be involved in making decisions about where they will live and they should never be left in the dark as to what will happen to them.

This requires open communication, which means that adults must speak to children in a language that they understand. Children must be listened to and taken seriously. All in all, as much care as possible should be taken during this process of transition which sees children leave their biological families and move into new homes.

That means for example that children gradually get to know their foster families during regular visits, before they actually move into the families for good. In the Quality4Children project a carer from Malta cited a case when siblings were prepared for their move into a new home with foster parents over a six-month period, after which they "all felt ready to take that step".

It is also clear from the standards that there is no one answer. In this way, it should be possible to find a home for most siblings together. However, it can be that it is better for a child not to live with his or her siblings. If this is the case, the siblings should however stay in contact if it is for the child's wellbeing. This is particularly applicable to biological parents. They have a major role in the care process. Their participation, opinion and position must be respected and regulated in the same way as the child's.

Roots and new relationships

To the children, their biological families are and will remain the place to which they are linked within. If their biological parents are criticised, blamed or negated by others, children experience a direct blow to their personality. Their origin must be respected so that the children can accept their new lives. Everyone has their own value - biological parents, children, substitute parents, carers; all those involved need to have what they are entitled to clear in their minds. According to expert Regina Wintersperger, the parents "often have the painful realisation that being taken into out-of-home care is in their children's interests. This clarity is a form of release for the children."

"I was dreadfully afraid of losing my children […]. I do however feel that I have remained important to the home. I was involved in everything that happened to my children. I felt part of it all [...]", said a mother from Luxembourg.

Whether and to what extent anything can be gained from children's parents visiting them must be assessed according to individual cases. The important thing is that "children do not feel cut off from their roots", said Regina Wintersperger.

"The boy was sent to be cared for at an SOS Children's Village along with his two brothers and two sisters. The siblings were able to live together in the same house, in a new family with an SOS mother and two other children. He grew up in calm in the village and kept in contact with his father, who met the children regularly."

Stabile relationships, children being in contact with their biological families, qualified carers, understanding, respect and support, viewing children as the experts on their own lives, a healthy environment, education, living with those in the neighbourhood or community and adequate care for children with special needs are important aspects of the children's time in care, which ends in them becoming independent.

Commitment and letting go

Everything in the third section of the quality standards revolves around the stage when the children gradually become independent, which can mean the children moving into a youth facility, returning to their biological families or starting to lead a completely independent life. This stage is critical in that it means saying goodbye again, at the same time as making a new start.

Can the young adults actively take part in making decisions regarding their current situation and future, is it communicated and planned openly? These are the most important indicators at this stage of the children's and young adults' lives.

The children's futures have to be considered well before the children are taken into new homes. That is why it is vital that children are supported, given strength and encouraged to take responsibility for themselves as they are brought up and that they learn to value social skills and themselves. The out-of-home care cycle ends in independence, which is often not a smooth transition and is frequently associated with fear, but if the care has been good "moving out" is a change offering all kinds of possibilities rather than being a serious drawback. Leaving out-of-home care should not however be seen as being a point of no return, as the young adults continue to receive help and support if they need it. They can remain in contact and are still part of a reliable network of relationships.

"Someone rings the doorbell […] I open the door to see my social worker with loads of food in his arms. He asks: 'Shall we eat together?' That is exactly what I needed. [...] He dropped by and stayed for a while, just to see me - we had a really nice evening and I slept well that night."