Sandra, you went into out-of-home care relatively late, at the age of 15. What was this completely new situation like for you?
Sandra: It definitely makes a difference whether you have had a real emotional relationship earlier in your childhood or not. My mother was with me until I was eight. We had a good relationship, which definitely had an effect on me and which stood me in good stead. Until then there wasn't anything that I didn't have. I moved to the housing in Lohbach when it was becoming ever clearer that my father was not in a state to care for me. I couldn't stand the chaos anymore. I had to take complete responsibility. It was more by chance that I ended up in the care of SOS Children's Villages; the youth welfare office only helped me when I asked them for the second time. There are very few facilities where young people can stay on a long-term basis and where they receive the appropriate care. The SOS Youth Community is organised in such a way that seven girls share a flat and a carer lives with them. When you're 15 or 16 you can live there more or less independently. In spite of everything, this was the best solution for me. My life finally had a sense of order. Things were sorted out, from a financial point of view as well.
Young girl from Minsk, Belarus - Photo: G. Ward
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When you look back, was there anything that you needed, that the SOS Youth Community didn't give you or could have given you?
Sandra: The seven girls have a male carer. I had a very good relationship with him; he was always there if you needed something. Even now, I can turn to him at any time, but now it's more as a friend of course. But there was definitely a lack of a female contact, because that's just the age when girls need someone for their "emotional support". A female carer from Telfs (where there is another SOS Youth Community; ed.); came just once a week, and that person changed quite often. Once, one came who had just finished her training, she was maybe 25 or 26, and had lived with her parents until that point. How can someone who has not experienced something similar know what you're talking about, what you need? That was why the girls didn't take her seriously. Actually, the girls had no contact with each another at all, which was a problem for me for a while, but later on I wasn't interested in it anymore, because some of them were up to no good. I was a good girl, because I always got good marks and didn't get up to mischief. Since we girls didn't have anything to do with each other, Quality4Children was a great experience. There, I could for speak to people who were in the same boat for the first time, people who had had similar experiences.
Did you have the same kind of opportunities and chances to develop as a person as a young person has in the ideal scenario that he/she is living with his/her biological family?
Sandra: Generally speaking, yes, as far as school and education is concerned. Since I had already had to be independent early on, I was further on in my development than people my age. I wasn't carefree anymore. That was mainly a problem at school, because my classmates had grown up in another world. I suffered quite a lot as a result of this difference. I am now getting therapy to deal with the stages of my life, to understand what I could have needed when. I think that it would have been good if therapy had been on offer at the SOS Youth Community. A lot of the other girls might have made use of it as well.
In your opinion, what can the different forms of out-of-home care not replace that you would get with your biological family? What are its limits?
Sandra: The longing for ties, for a real home, does not go away. You cannot make up for it. When children are taken into a facility when they are young, a lot has already happened to them. Girls who have gone off the rails often move into the house in Lohbach. Others are second generation Turkish immigrants, who are stuck in the middle. Many of them are simply not in control of their lives. I don't know whether you can put them back on the right tracks after puberty.
What do you think, how successful is out-of-home care?
Sandra: I think that foster families and SOS Children's Villages are a very good solution. The most important thing is the quality of the relationships. This also became clear from the standards of Quality4Children.
The Quality4Children project is based on the involvement of those involved. How can we specifically look at participation in care?
Sandra: It's mainly about us being asked what we want, think and hope for; it's about people hearing our opinion. Helping to manage the environment in which you live is also very important. I'm talking from my own experience. The walls of my flat in the house in Lohbach were made of concrete. I wasn't allowed to paint them or personalise the flat. The flat obviously doesn't just belong to just one person, but it would be good to have a certain amount of freedom. As far as the special care at Lohbach is concerned, it would have been great to do joint activities, such as with the youth community in Telf. There was hardly any of that. And it would have definitely helped if all those who lived in the house had met regularly to exchange opinions and bring up topics that concerned everyone.
Sandra, what has your role in the Quality4Children project been like?
Sandra: Last spring I received a phone call and was asked whether I wanted to go to the Quality4Children congress. I knew nothing about the project, but it sounded interesting, so Helene (note: another young person who grew up in the care of SOS Children's Villages) and I went to Gmunden. Actually, we thought we were mainly going to be listening, but we then found ourselves in a youth workshop, where we were supposed to present the results in front of the plenum. In front of 500 people! Helene and I just held up a couple of posters and left one of the other young people to do the talking. But it was a really great experience! For the first time, we were able to exchange opinions with people who had been in the same boat as us, who had had similar experiences. I had never experienced anything like that before. And that was cool, because they know just what you're talking about. Yes, and then a few months ago I was asked if I wanted to join a steering group. I did, of course. Anyway, I had asked several times whether there was any chance that I could carry on working with them. It was great to be at the meetings. But it was tough as well. One day in Prague, for example, we worked for twelve hours. There is at least one young person in the working groups, because we often do think differently. I think it's great that we are able to work on it as well and that we are also able to discuss the matter. I think they really are happy with us young people, because every time one of us opens our mouth and says something, it goes very quiet and everyone listens. They're dying to hear what we have to say!
Do you think that a project such as Q4C is capable of leading to real changes and to the necessary improvements being made?
Sandra: As I said, I think the project's great, but latterly it's all been about setting standards, ensuring they are adhered to and how that will be done. If that works, then we will definitely see improvements. The standards mainly involve trust, listening and dedication. There is for example a standard, which says, "Try to keep promises." It is about the quality of the relationship - that is the most important thing.
Is there a standard which is particularly important to you?
Sandra: The thing that was particularly important to us young people was that if you left care, you could come back again if you weren't yet able to cope on your own. I know that it is hard to come back, but sometimes it is so important to have that option. Most of the young people who grew up in out-of-home care look for intense relationships. They then get pregnant when they are still young or become dependent on their boyfriend or girlfriend, whoever and then end up having another crisis. They need support. But I must say that each of the standards is important. Most of what was developed in the standards has not yet been put into practice. Particularly with regard to participation. That young people really are being asked where they want to live, what they would like to do in terms of their education, that we can make plans together, as it takes a while to lead an independent life, all of that is important. Some of what young people want is perhaps utopian and cannot really be put into practice, but the main thing is that they are being asked for their opinion and reasons for any of their wishes not being fulfilled are being given. You then feel like you are being taken seriously.
If the quality standards were to be changed, what changes would that mean for the future of children and young people in care?
Sandra: Care is becoming more individual. Actually, that should be obvious, because care cannot be systemised and automated, as each young person has their own needs. Doing it individually does of course mean it's more expensive, but that should be part of it. There cannot be a standard pattern. That's definitely not simple for the carers, because it involves thinking things over again.
You have planned your own network project for young people. Can you tell us something about that?
Sandra: The first step that we want to take is to create a website to provide a forum where young people who live in or have lived in out-of-home care to exchange their opinions. We would then like to organise camps or exchange programmes, but that isn't a realistic thought at the moment. The website will have the addresses of organisations that are important to us, such as those involved in children's and young people's rights. Maybe we'll find a psychologist or a social worker who can reply to questions on the forum once a week. But the website's most important function will be to make it possible to exchange opinions. That is important to us, because we ourselves have seen how great that exchange is.